As what they say... I say... Give me back myself.

It has been over a quarter since I've updated this blog. Indeed, I've been so busy back then. Also, my schedule didn't allow me to update this every so often. Another thing is the fact that I myself don't have anything to say.
My life has become so stagnant and I can't help but to float around the area within, that my soul can only see. As stagnant as it is, the faster the chronological space moves; I don't know what I am doing.
I didn't want to blog previously because I don't want to. As simple as that. I'm sorry for being frank but it's just really like that.
Honestly, there had been so many thing to blog about but I don't feel the need to unleash the energy by simply writing. I am actually wondering what will happen if I've been true to this endeavor way back.

I've been lazy
I've been poor
I've been rich
I've been lonely
...
I've been sad.

However, taking it in a more technical manner, I've been laughing 90% of the time and I've only cried once when I talk about one of my problem... the least of all my problems to my sibling.

I am the kind of person that might intimidate you in the first sight. In fact, I was nominated for the "Impakta" award last GFA (and I won't be dwelling on that anymore honey). I tend to make people think first before saying things, even simple things. You who may be reading this might disagree but I'm sorry; this has been the majority of all people I know who said things like this to me. I don't look problematic and I do want to look like one. unfortunately, my nature won't allow. I still manage to laugh and crack jokes; corny jokes to be exact. The wrath that is within is the wrath that most broken individuals have. In this light, I've being true to myself yet hypocrite to others. I want others to see me.
I want them to see me as I am.
I want them to see me as I am as what I've become.
I want them to see me as I am as what I've become from the past year.

Sabi nga ng isa sa mga nang-onse sakin... "Nagtatapang-tapangan ka lang pala".

I am afraid of what I've become basically because all of these things are new and bad. They are bad but they undeniably add spices to my life. Also, I know that they are ways for me to appreciate all that I have... literally... positively... negatively...

Of all the things I know, there is only one thing that I am sure of... I am agnostic.
I know there is Him... yet I don't know Him
I know here I am... yet I don't know who I am
I know he is here... yet I don't know him
I know I don't know...
...that's why I end up being a laughingstock.

in the past months, I've known things like "Pronoun", "Adjective", "Adverb" and "Noun". I feel guilty though I say less things about them. I just can't help but to use them everyday.

quite confused? refer to your parents...

Bakit kaya ganun, kung sino pa yung dapat mong pagkatiwalaan at asahan yun pa ang unang-una mong pagtataguan at kakatakutan?

uhmmm... di ko alam gwapo... baka mahal ka lang nila...
Eh bakit ganun? kakainis naman!
Kasi para yun sa ikabubuti mo...
Kaya ba nasasaktan ako at nagiging impokrito sa sarili ko at sa kanila?
Eh ganun talaga gwapo...

Luuufet!

Feels tired of the pressure.

I'm tired
Thats all I can say.

Man can't say anything without any basis.
even mediocre notions have at least a basis within.

Well basically, this is, these are the bases.

My aspiration for romance seems to have stepped ladders. I have been cool with it. I'm doing fine. I know what I'm into. I know I am happy. I need this. I need him.

But what would you do?
What would you do
If almost all of those people whom you've known in the past, believing that they believe in you, know you, understand you, comfort you and caring for you; will actually hate you, disown you and treat you like any other insane and mentally retarded people who think they are doing right? They will eventually categorize you into those people which our society considers as mediocre, animalistic, ballistic, evils, treacherous, liars, dense, brainless, illogical, irrational, scraps of humanity, unethical, immoral, corrupted, dissipated, unprincipled, atheist, unscrupulous, dishonorable, dishonest, irreputable and all other adjectives that would mean the same in the microsoft word processor.
if you've got anything to do then comment on this ok?

I once believed that...
True friends really understand
but what are true friends? damn! Ngayon lang ako naniwala doon sa tanan ng buhay ko!
When I was in Highschool, I never considered any one a true friend. They maybe true but I don't see it, I don't know, don't blame me.

"OO, perth, naiintindihan kita"
oh yeah?
"Kaso, ilugar mo lang ang sarili mo sa mata ng ibang hindi ka maintindihan"
ok.
"hindi lang ako sanay sa iyo perth na ganyan ka"
I understand.
"pero naiintindihan kita"
thanks.
"Huwag mo lang sana pababayaan pag-aaral mo"
Hindi ko magagawa yun.
"basta wala ka lamang natatapakan na tao"
Hindi ako nanapak ng tao.

Isang pag uusap na pinanidigan kong paniwalaan.
Hanggang ngayon naniniwala ako.
kahit siguro hindi na totoo...
siguro...

Hindi ko alam kung anong kailangan kong maramdaman.

Alam ko sa silakbo ng puso mo, alam ko ang isinisigaw mo, alam ko kung anung gusto mo, alam ko kung bakit, alam ko kung bakit, alam ko kung bakit.

"Nasa tao lang yan"
"Nasa tao talaga yan"
"Hindi yun dahilan! Nasa tao yan!"

Naiintindihan mo ako... oo naniniwala ako.
ngunit naniniwala rin ako na pumapangibabaw pa rin ang stereotypical mong panghusga
sa bagay, wala namang taong ligtas doon
lahat may stereotype

Ang pagiging busabos ng pag iisip ng marami simula pa noon. Hindi na maiiwasang mabuti ngayon.
hanggang ang pagiging busabos ng utak... tila isa nang payak... ngayon.

Ang napakakitid na pag-iisip
"hindi lang ako talaga sanay eh"
bakit? bakit? bakit?
nakasanayan mo na bang:
They will eventually categorize you into those people which our society considers as mediocre, animalistic, ballistic, evils, treacherous, liars, dense, brainless, illogical, irrational, scraps of humanity, unethical, immoral, corrupted, dissipated, unprincipled, atheist, unscrupulous, dishonorable, dishonest, irreputable and all other adjectives that would mean the same in the microsoft word processor?

Siguro nga namulat ka o halos lahat kayo sa ganoon. Mga halimaw ng buhay ko!

Paghihinagpis! Pagpipigil! Pagtitiis!
Marami na kayong tumatapak sakin ngunit ako'y nagtitiis
kung sa bagay hindi niyo alam
hindi niyo alam ang pakiramdam ng tinatasa
Pagtatasa ng sariling buhay
Tasahang pang-repleksyon para sa aking buhay
Buhay na matagal ko nang binubuhay!
Isang buhay na pilit niyong pinapatay
Oh, Sociedad! por pabor!
May paborito ka ba?
Heterosekswalidad lang ba ang paborito mo?
Homosekswalidad? ayaw mo?
Sociedad ko, mag-isip ka
isa kang purong moralidad ngunit wala namang utak!
Wala nang mas bobobo pa sa isang ligwak nang mundong hinubog mo.



Mahal ko tulungan mo ako!

Until I've seen my Twisted Sunshine™

So it has already been almost 3 months since i wrote my last blog entry. I don't really care about the frequency of my blog posting because for one, this is not meant for them. This is for me. my senseless musings are for me. For me, myslef and I. Such a channel where I could enhance my writing skills and release my true being in a concrete substance whereby almost all superficial thinkers would see as mediocrity.
I now have a new favorite song...

Ever After by Bonnie Bailey

Not that sure yet, but i think this is Bonnie Bailey...
Ever After (Eric Kupper's Beach Mix)
By: Bonnie Bailey
From: Hed Kandi - Beach House 04.04
(Thank you Shaun for the lyrics visit him at shaunster.multiply.com)


Three years ago, our journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions, volcanic eruptions
We both still care, so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you


I believed I've found my true inspiration... I was wrong...

read this:

"nagmamahal ako... panu ung isa? hmmm.... iwanan na
lang kaya? anu kaya? patayin ko nalang? hehe joke!
eh ang tanong, mahal niya ba ako??? eh mas masaya
na ako dun sa bago. sino mas lamang? ung bagong
karapatdapat sa pagmamahal ko(na wala namang may
pakialam dati) na mahal ko na rin o sa mahal ko
rin na parang nangangapa lamang ako sa dilim o
talaga namang walang kinakapaan at isang ilusyon
lamang? waaaa hehehe! pero masaya ako sa bago panu
ba yan? hehe... (comedy noh?)"

Shit! I damn Looove you my Twisted Sunshine! my sweet dysfunction


Anyway, wala naman pong masama sa ginagawa ko... nagmamahl po ako... at wala kang paki alam kahit sino ka pa... wala nang revisions or what... wala nang balikan... this is the point of no return...

Whew... My friend introduced me to this NYC place at malate and guess what I 've seen...

The return of the old habit... and major turn off

Whew... here it goes again.
The habit that have slept for over two months has already awaken.
awaken to disturb my regular sleeping habits.
awaken to interupt my Ragnarok dealings.
awaken to discombobulate my already insane being.
whew... here it goes again.

A week passed savoring the luscious taste of the old San Beda College. I'm becoming "Perth-the-busy-man" again from the "Dundee-the-ragnarok-addict-guy" last summer. I have no choice but to accept the fact that I'll be seeing those Philosophy professors again. Although I missed my friends big time, I missed JC a lot. He went to Japan to spend his summer vacation there with his mom. Nuff said, here I am busy doing this habit again...

AM:
wake up
take a bath
brush my teeth
go to school
PM:
Chat with Dormates/Classmates/Friends
Do the Homework
Eat
Sleep
[go to AM again 6 times]

Aside from this schedule bug, another incident happened which I would like to kill myself for doing it and costs me 5,000Php.
I left my Retainers at McDonalds Mendiola.
I see to it that I would have my Retainers removed before eating so happened that I don't have anything to wrap it with and there goes the idea to wrap it in a tissue paper courtesy of McDo.
Before leaving. I haven't noticed my retainers was left in the fast food outlet until I arrived at school. Maybe I have associated the napkin as trash like most of us will do.
Whew...

anyway...

"Gloria"- The Prontera Concert with Elliz and Souler... Of course im the center of Attraction! LOLZ!


Question of the moment:
Masama ba tapakan ang Bibliya?

Everybody's leaving...

It started out as a fantasy for my 2 cousins to fly across the Pacific ocean and land in America, the dreamland. But now, It fortunately came true. They are currently aboard believing that they are leaving the hell they have persevered for a long time since birth. I can't blame them if ever they have such thoughts. Well, majority of us here in the metro wants to go there... (Why not?!)

Now that Rosal and Nolan left me, who's next?
Yuya, my Japanese cousin is also having his flight anytime this May.
then next...
My cousin Pearly will be going home at the end this month.
(Why not?!)

I will be missing Rosal and Yuya's company because for one, they have already been a part of me not only as cousins, but friends as well. I understand that everybody's leaving to make their lives better and I wish them all luck.
Before Rosal and Nolan's flight this 4am, We went to RedBox at Greenbelt the day before for us to have an ultimate bonding experience with them for the last time before they leave. We sang, we danced, we shared laughter all throughout our stay. We went home at around 8pm. we altogether agreed to drink here at home. I concocted Margarita while others are having shots of tequila. We danced again, we are all drunk... we slept

While dreaming of eating with my friends in a fiesta, I felt lips on my cheeks. I thought it was from my dream. I opened up my eyes and saw Rosal with her Dad. Rosal waved goodbye, A tear dropped and I saw her stepping out of the room.

Everybody's Leaving... putang ina




Yuya and I next picture is ME Lashing in Redbox then Rosal and I after Lasingan party

All New Shooed™ and some summer experience

This blog entry is the very first blog entry where the start of my new blogspot life begins. I have been on hiatus for months since January and now, inspired by some bloggers; decided to re-construct this blogsite. I didn't blog for sometime again because I'm too lazy to do so... in short, nakakatamad. Some of my friends asked me why I stopped blogging and I'm sort of confused what to answer. I just told them "nakakatamad eh" then that's it (because they also know deep in the buttom of their hearts that it will come to a point where you are too lazy to do it). Whew. I honestly don't know what to write and when to write... why to write? hehehe... I don't know. I have deleted all my blog entries in my archive for me to relinquish my previous musings which I happened to be found crazies.

The summer begun too early. I thought back then that this will be the longest summer vacation I ever had. The temperature is suuuuper doooper high. I sweat all the time. Speaking of sweat, I decided to simultaneously sweat myself at the Gym where I met Sugar, Christian Vasquez, Miguel, Delfa, Dennis, Chi and other people who really are determined to trim down some fats (or some serious amounts of fats! ^_^;)
I made friends there. It started when Sugar gave me a bottle of C2™ which I am currently into because I looove it. She offered it to me when I am asking the Gym instructor where I could buy drinks. Sweet.

Tito Raffy told me that he will go to his hometowm, Sapian, Capiz where my Grandmother is the present mayor of the town. He suggested that we should use RORO (roll-on, roll-off) and it is in our advantage because we are going to bring a car with us to save a lot of money. I agreed because i remembered that the RORO will drop us by Caticlan which is near Boracay. We made our itenerary. First, visit my grampies in Antique, go to my Tito Raffy's hometown at Capiz and finally Boracay. When we arrived in Boracay, we stayed at my aunt's resort, Villa de Oro. I saw Albert Concepcion with his Sister, Ali (tsk tsk, wala si Alma) while I'm having this Henna tattoo session. He greeted me first and I felt so happy because at last, I found a buddy where i could together hang-out with. Albert, his sister Ali, my Cousin Pearly and I went to Cocomangas, Pier 1 and other bars... we went bar-hopping until 1am only because I have to wake up early at around 5am because I have to ride the 6am trip to the mainland. I have to leave that early because my Father called and told me to fly back to Manila because he will be leaving soon and he wants us to have a bonding session before he goes abroad again (He had actually stayed for only 4 days and I came home on his 3rd day so I had 24 hours bonding with him) so thats it, well, at least I enjoyed Boracay and the whole Panay Trip.

Some Adventure Pictures:

Pearly, I and Albert in Boracay --- My arm in action!